Taking the First Step

Nearly a year ago, devastated, hurt, and confused, I set this blog up unsure of it's purpose and mission, and until this very moment (with the exception of a title) that is exactly how it has remained:  Frozen, Numb, and in a  Dormant- like state; Not knowing what to think, how to feel, or what direction (if any at all) to take next.  The funny thing is, as I found myself staring at it's bareness, it's unseen words and frozen existence spoke volumes to me as it played out right before my very eyes, an exact replica of my newly discovered characteristics and my life as I had, inadvertently, choosen to exsist in it: ...FROZEN, NUMB, in a DORMANT-LIKE-STATE; consumed, and engulfed with the overwhelming power and strength of FEAR, ANGER and DREAD, wrapped in all it's ugliness!!!  There was no denying it, nor denying how it's existence came to be; in fact, the truth is, I have excepted and come to enjoy its company; and have found much comfort, particularly in the numbness it provides, as a way to escape and avoid the painful truth of my present world and it's grim reality! A reality that includes one of the slowest, heartwrenching deaths in it's most crueliest forms: Alzheimer's; and it's relentless mission to stake it's claim on the most precious gem held within my heart: ...my Mother, my Father, my maternal Grandmother and Grandfather, and my paternal Grandmother and Grandfather, all "ROLED" into one, and all played by one: ...MY GRANDMOTHER, ...OZELLA D. CARTER